Can You Poop Without Your Smart Phone?

Do you have a smart phone or other hand-held electronic device that you couldn’t live without? Can you can keep track of that thing better than you can keep track of your two-year-old?   Would your world come crashing down around you if you ever misplaced it? If you have found yourself wondering if you could ever survive separation from your beloved, here are the top ten signs you may have a severe addiction to your hand-held device:

Smart Phone

1.  You find yourself unable to perform your daily constitutional without having your phone in your hands.  If you can’t even put it down to wash afterwards, your addiction is severe, seek help immediately.

2.  Your thumbs have become the most agile part of your body because they get the most exercise.

3.  Your auto-correct knows your thoughts better than your spouse.  It knows that you want to say “that is reDONK” instead of “that is ridiculous”.  It knows that you want to say “that is a piece of shit” not “piece of shot”.   Your spouse is still trying to figure out your cycle.

4.  You have forgotten that books are still printed on paper.

5.  You log off Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest only to pick up your phone and refresh just in case you missed something super important in the past thirty seconds.

6.  You constantly find a reason to say “let me Google that”  and “is there an app for that” during conversation.

7.  You start to freak out because you are trying to get out the door and you can’t find your phone.  Only to realize that you are currently talking to someone.  Via telephone.   DOH!

8.  You wake up in a panic because your device is missing from its place of honor next to your bed. You find it tucked in under the covers because apparently you fell asleep mid-Tweet and you now you know where that black-eye came from.

9.  You start to get the nervous shakes when your battery life drops below twenty percent and you don’t have access to a charger.  You know, when you are waiting to catch a glimpse of the one person you have dreamed of meeting since 1987.  I’ve heard of this happening.

10.   Your idea of  multi-tasking is brushing your teeth, telling your kids to put on their shoes, and picking out some earrings all while pinning the recipe for tonight’s dinner followed by catching up on your Facebook news feed and checking your email.

If you find yourself nodding in agreement to any or all of the above, congratulations and welcome to the club.  Maybe we should start a support group?   Think about it and we can discuss it via Twitter, Facebook, and text message.





  1. #1 on the list really should have been #2 :)

  2. Oh this is me. Soooo me. And I work online so I pretend that’s what I’m doing 90% of the time, but nope. AND I’ll pretend my BMs are worse than they really are just to get some more phone time.

    Okay, I clearly need therapy.

  3. Seriously. I think the Academy of Psychiatric Medicine needs to add this as a new mental illness. I don’t even realize I’m doing it half the time.

  4. I always think how hilarious (and gross) it would be if people updated their statuses truthfully, as in “Sitting on the crapper” or “Finally! I’ve been constipated for DAYS!” You know everyone does it.
    :) m.

  5. Girl, you had me laughing outloud! So sadly true of so many! Even my 9 year-old has dropped hers in the toilet already. Sigh. Wonder if there have been more diagnosed cases of hemorrhoids since the emergence of Smartphones assisting in the elimination process?

  6. Is that why I’ m a little backed up? I don’t have a smart phone. Dare I say that? I don’t have a Siri in my life. I am such a LOSER! Gotta go potty now. Bye.

  7. I am totally guilty of this too! My weakness is my kindle fire. I facebook, read books, read blogs, pinterest, and stream Pandora all at the same time. Yes, I am a douche.

  8. God help me. I am Hillary and I am addicted to my phone.

  9. I can’t really relate to the points but I do have a heart attack when I am reaching for my phone to the one special place in my purse and it’s not there! ;)

  10. OMG…that auto-correct one is DEAD ON! It knows all my stupid lingo now. Except for when I try to say ‘Good Mornin”…it always wants to change it to Mormon. Hmmm. Not sure what to do with that. I am so sharing this list with my husband. I KNOW he can’t go to the bathroom without a device any more. He’ll be clenching as he madly searches for his missing iPad. THAT is just not right ;) Just go to the bathroom honey…I swear it’ll be okay…

  11. support group? could it also be discussions on whatsapp??

  12. Oh gosh… I meant “concentrating on”… not contracting. Good Lord.

  13. So if you strategically place it so that you can see it during umm…husband/wife time, would that mean you’re addicted? I mean, it’s better to be able to SEE who texted than have to wonder and lose concentration on the other thing that needs contracting on. Right? I mean, hypothetically speaking, of course.

  14. Kathy at kissing the frog says:

    I simply cannot resist the little “woo-hoo” from my phone that tells me I have mail.

  15. I’m more than addicted to my iPhone although I do not take it with me to poop. It’s not that I’m against it, I’m just a really fast pooper, so I wouldn’t even have time to post a status update. ; )

  16. This is why I NEVER borrow anyone’s phone. I know they use it on the toilet. Just like I do.

  17. I really need help. I cannot go to bed without making sure there were no new posts- especially on HBU! Aaaaaaargh!

  18. Oh dear Lord. Yes. Are you starting a support group? Online of course.


  1. […] on my iPhone.  It is like an attachment almost and it gave me the idea to write this little list: Can You Poop Without Your Smart Phone?  After publishing this post, I have also realized that I am not alone in my addiction.  That is […]

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