Do you have a smart phone or other hand-held electronic device that you couldn’t live without? Can you can keep track of that thing better than you can keep track of your two-year-old? Would your world come crashing down around you if you ever misplaced it? If you have found yourself wondering if you could ever survive separation from your beloved, here are the top ten signs you may have a severe addiction to your hand-held device:
1. You find yourself unable to perform your daily constitutional without having your phone in your hands. If you can’t even put it down to wash afterwards, your addiction is severe, seek help immediately.
2. Your thumbs have become the most agile part of your body because they get the most exercise.
3. Your auto-correct knows your thoughts better than your spouse. It knows that you want to say “that is reDONK” instead of “that is ridiculous”. It knows that you want to say “that is a piece of shit” not “piece of shot”. Your spouse is still trying to figure out your cycle.
4. You have forgotten that books are still printed on paper.
5. You log off Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest only to pick up your phone and refresh just in case you missed something super important in the past thirty seconds.
6. You constantly find a reason to say “let me Google that” and “is there an app for that” during conversation.
7. You start to freak out because you are trying to get out the door and you can’t find your phone. Only to realize that you are currently talking to someone. Via telephone. DOH!
8. You wake up in a panic because your device is missing from its place of honor next to your bed. You find it tucked in under the covers because apparently you fell asleep mid-Tweet and you now you know where that black-eye came from.
9. You start to get the nervous shakes when your battery life drops below twenty percent and you don’t have access to a charger. You know, when you are waiting to catch a glimpse of the one person you have dreamed of meeting since 1987. I’ve heard of this happening.
10. Your idea of multi-tasking is brushing your teeth, telling your kids to put on their shoes, and picking out some earrings all while pinning the recipe for tonight’s dinner followed by catching up on your Facebook news feed and checking your email.
If you find yourself nodding in agreement to any or all of the above, congratulations and welcome to the club. Maybe we should start a support group? Think about it and we can discuss it via Twitter, Facebook, and text message.