Dear Google,

Let me blow the dust around in here and see if I can make this work.  I know it’s been a while and I really have no one to blame but myself.  Well, I have others to blame but really does pointing fingers at others really help?  Actually it does, but I always try to take those moments in which someone really pisses me off and use it to my advantage.  To use it for a learning experience.  To tell those people to suck my nose holes and come back bigger and badder.  So let’s do it.  Let’s write again, because it just feels good.

It really sucks when you love to write and you have this amazing (to yourself) blog, and you let other people rain on your parade and suck the life out of everything you have busted your ass to build.  I’ve been trying to figure out why in the hell I can’t write words.  Why can I not take the thoughts in my head and put them on this cyber paper for people to read?  Why have I become so gun-shy? What in the fuck am I so damn worried about?

It’s hard in this “business” (can you classify a hobby in which you make no money doing a ‘business’?) to not let people get to you.  You get an idea and you start to write and BOOM, you see someone else just wrote a post on that exact same topic.    You see a friend bust their ass to create something fabulous and before you know it you see it elsewhere with their watermark removed and some other asshole taking the credit for work they didn’t do.  Everywhere you look there is someone being a douchebag.  This constantly lingers in the back of your mind as you question every single word that you write.  Asking yourself if this word or that word will bring out the trolls.  Wondering if you will be under fire for writing what you want to write on your blog that you aren’t forcing anyone to read.

I’m not gonna hide my feelings about the last post I wrote.  It was hilarious.  The funniest thing I have written in quite a while and it felt so GOOD to write it.   I have no shame in saying that because damn it, if you can’t find boobs funny you need to remove the stick from your ass.  That post was rocking along, great comments, great page views, not one person voiced their irritation with my use of the words boobs, tits, fun bags, mammaries, rack, hooters, and other terms of endearment that we use for our breasteses.  Then I got an email from Google themselves telling me that I had seventy-two hours to either edit the “sexually explicit” post or delete it all together or they would pull all advertisements from my site.  I felt like I had taken a kick right to the gut.  I hadn’t realized that I was writing erotica, I thought I was writing about motherhood.  What in the frickety-frack was going on?

I vented to some friends and tried to understand.  I immediately shut down.  The words stopped, the desire to write stopped, a little bit of my passion was stripped.  I’m not normally one to take shit like this so seriously, but this one really got to me.  Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe it was a mistake.  I was hurt and I was insulted. Then it hit me, Google is just being an asshole.  Then the anger set in.

Dear Google,

I wanted to write you a quick note to thank you for taking the time to really read my site before deeming it inappropriate for your ad network.   I work really hard to make sure that my site is as sexually explicit as a blog written by a mother of five young kids can be. I would like to apologize if the word ‘boobs’ is just too much for you to handle, but if I’m being honest I think there are many other topics I could have breached that could have been incredibly more offensive.  

You see, I work really hard to write content that is appropriate for my readers.  Things that they can relate to.  Things that make them laugh/cry/scream/shake their head in agreement.  Seeing as ninety-five percent of my readers are women/mothers/grandmothers/aunts, we all have boobies.  Most of us have already lamented and accepted their tube-sock appearance and have come to grips with the fact that our mammaries will never be as spectacular as they once were.   I pride myself on the fact that I am not afraid to write the things that others may be embarrassed to talk about.  If I can help make one person feel better about themselves, or to know that they aren’t alone on this crazy road we call parenthood, then I am doing exactly what I set out to do when I started this blog.  

Your promise of removing your ads from my site did not scare me, it made me angry. Not because I was going to miss out on those pennies a day that I made from allowing you to put your quality ads in my sidebars, but because you attempted to bully me into changing my words to fit your idea of appropriate material.  It was quite clear to me that you didn’t take the time to really read my words.  That you didn’t take five minutes to see what my site is about and to read the comments and see that not a single person was offended.  That you missed out on a really good laugh.  

I don’t give two shits about your ads.  You have the ability to choose and you chose to remove yourself from my site.  No big whoop. What I do care about is that I have let you affect my writing.  That I allowed you to infiltrate my thoughts and make me question everything that I have ever written.  That despite the undying love and support that I am fortunate enough to see every. fucking. day from my readers, I have let you enter the recesses of my brain and shut off all confidence that I had in my abilities.  No more Google.  NO. MORE.  I will not let you win because I KNOW in my heart that I am capable.  That I am just flat-out fucking amazing.

It is amazing to me that you are so quick to judge.  That of all the sites on the interwebs, you jumped on one word.  A word that ninety-nine percent of people do not find even remotely offensive.  I can only hope that in the future, you would take the time to actually read a few posts from time to time.  That you wouldn’t judge a post based on one word in the title (BOOBS).  That you would not attempt to bully someone into censoring their own words, on their own site, in which they allow YOU to place ads on.  Censorship is so last century.

Thank you for giving me a couple of weeks to realize how fabulous I am.  For helping me to realize that I don’t have to succumb to the corporate greed.  That I am in control of what I think, what I write, what I promote.  That it is OK to just be me.  I actually needed it. 

You just can't argue with Ben

You just can’t argue with Ben






  1. Tyger Lealee says:

    I absolutely LOVE this blog and pretty much everything that spills out of your head onto your endless book of cyber paper! I am so glad that you stood up for yourself and refused to be changed by “the man” .

  2. I loved your boobies post and fuck those jokers if they can’t enjoy a giggle about funbags! I loved you response and good for you. Stick to your guns and write on, sister!
    dalai mama recently posted…How Fifty Shades of Grey Gave My Kindle an STDMy Profile

  3. You go, girl! Way to stand up for yourself. :)
    Jessica recently posted…[91/365] Happy Birthday, LilyMy Profile

  4. That is some BS right there. My boobies and I were not offended, so Google should get its panties unbunched real quick-like.

    Sorry you were bummed, girl :(

  5. Dear Google,

    BING YOU!!!!!! I am taking my FUN BAGS and searching elsewhere.
    BTW you are awesome!
    Mary Anne recently posted…An Open Letter To…My Profile

  6. Whoa. What’s up, Google?? First you take Reader and now you want to take boobs?

    Get a friggin life.
    Carrie recently posted…I might be old but I know what to do when a dude ditches you. And I probably shouldn’t sound so proud of that.My Profile

  7. This happened to me too!! I wrote about one of those “fun parties” in our neighborhood and I guess I said dildo one too many times for Adsense’s liking, and they shut my shit down. Whatevs- I sure will miss the FIVE EFFING DOLLARS I made from that bullshit. Now I have to buy my own gum – Boo.
    RachRiot recently posted…Wow, Walmart. Wow.My Profile

  8. Good for you, Tara for coming back with your boobs drawn. Screw them and their cyber scanners that grabbed onto one word, one innocuous word. I’m glad you got to the source of the problem, confronted it, and are moving on…

  9. AHHHHHHH! BOOBS! My eyes! My eyes!

    Google can suck it! You write about those ta-tas, girl!

  10. I just typed “boobs” into Google (strictly for scientific purposes) and you would not believe what their site displayed. What a bunch of hypocrites!
    Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point recently posted…The Lucky Charms Marshmallow EpidemicMy Profile

  11. I love your post! I would yell at them myselves right now but for some unknown reason when I logged on today they have “suspended” my google+ account for spam. I have no idea why, no warning, no suggestion as to what the spam is, no answer on how to fix it, just you are suspended. I’m seriously over them right now as well! Keep posting away I found you through reading another blogger friends posts, whoch amazingly they still allow me the honor of doing. Have a great week!
    Lorna K recently posted…Facebook Frenzy HopMy Profile

  12. This really sucks, Tara, but I love that you’re not taking this from Google sitting down. Way to show them who wears the bra in the situation.
    Gina Jacobs Thomas (@totallyfullofit) recently posted…What to expect when you’re expecting the tooth fairy..My Profile

  13. I just found your blog and this is the only thing I’ve read (but I will read the BOOBS post next) and I love everything written here. Blogging seems like this easy “jobby” (I hate that word almost as much as I hate the term brain fart) but there is so much other stuff involved that seems to just suck out all creativity. Good for you for fighting back and keeping your writings uncensored.
    Elizabeth recently posted…Thankful Thursdays #36My Profile

  14. Yeah, you are pretty fan-fucking-tastic! And piss on Google AND their ads!! I hope you never stop writing because of something that someone else says to you! You know we love you!
    The Next Step recently posted…Breaking News! It’s OKAY to Admit Parenting is HARD!!My Profile

  15. I was shocked when you told me about the threat to pull their ads. It is such a bizarre concept. Clearly, you are not writing pornography, but, even if you were…so what? Does a company like GOOGLE truly have a morality core. No. So, this bother me even more. And, who picks on YKIHAYHT. No one who’s smart.

    Love you and don’t let anyone block your writing path. You have roads to build with words.
    Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments recently posted…Going (going) Back (back) to Cali (Cali).My Profile

  16. If you ever stop writing I will personally drive all the way across Kansas and kick your little ass.

    I say that with love.

    And, I’m glad you’re over it. Google sucks.
    Susan recently posted…Spooks and Pranks – 7 Quick TakesMy Profile

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