What is Important. RIGHT. NOW.

I have been conflicted about writing about what happened in Connecticut on Friday.  So many have been so quick on the trigger to put out their opinions and I didn’t want to be that one who threw out some fodder before really taking the time to think and process exactly what has happened.  At first I thought to myself that I just had to put something out there.  I needed somewhere for my anger to go.  I needed an outlet.  Then I made the mistake of getting on my social media sites and found my anger going somewhere I didn’t really want it to go.  I immediately logged off and curled up on the couch with my kids for a while, then baked some cookies, and decided that writing out of anger was not a good idea.  Today I have had limited access to my social media, and the few minutes I spent checking in on things, I remembered why I had logged off yesterday.  I was left asking myself this question, and I suppose I am asking you the same; What is really important here?

When this tragedy first hit the news, all I could think about was how horrible I felt for these families, the victims, the survivors, the community, the country.  There was a pit in my stomach that brought tears, sadness, anger, fear.  Tears and sadness for those parents who sent their children to what is supposed to be a safe place and now they will never be able to tuck them in at night or kiss their angel faces.  Anger that someone could commit this heinous act against another human, let alone defenseless children.  Anger that so many people are so insensitive and self centered.  Fear in my heart that not even our schools are safe anymore.  Fear that I am here raising five children in this world so full of uncertainty and hate.  Fear that my children will not be allowed to be the children that they should be, but instead they will be forced to be children who are constantly looking over their shoulders unsure of the dangers that are lurking behind them.

Like so many others, I turned to social media for information, for a place to find guidance and help, a place to share my emotions, a place to comfort not only myself but my friends.  What I found instead was anger.  Not anger towards the coward that committed this act, but anger towards each other.  Anger not about what actually happened in that small town in Connecticut, but anger over a political issue.  Anger that brought out words that I was disgusted to read so soon after such a tragedy.  Words that were meant to hurt others and incite an argument.  Words aimed to divide and separate us instead of bring us together. Words so unnecessary in the moment that it was then that I realized my mistake and immediately logged off.  Two simple words really.  Two words that are a hot debate, a hot political item.  Two words that, to me, have absolutely no right being discussed on the day of, or the days immediately following, a tragedy such as this.  Two words that cause such a divide in this country that it brings out the worst in people.  Two words; Gun Control.

I am not a card carrying member of the NRA, nor am I anti-gun, so before you go all bat shit crazy on me I ask you to just read and think.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I am a citizen of the United States. I have my own thoughts and I will not push them on you and I ask you to do the same for me.   I have very mixed emotions on this entire issue and I am not looking for someone to sway me one way or the other.  I am not looking for a debate on why we need more control or why we don’t.  What I am looking for is some compassion.  Some understanding.  Some separation.  Some support.  Some love.

I have a very difficult time understanding why, in light of such a terrible tragedy, everything is turned into a political platform.  Yes, it is unimaginable and horrific what happened in that beautiful school. No, I do not see what politics has to do with what happened at this. exact. moment.   I truly, in my heart, do not believe that bringing up the topic of gun control makes a damn bit of difference at this very moment.  This is the type of change that takes months, if not years to make.  The type of change that is riddled with arguments, anger, and resentment.  The type of change that isn’t going to change what happened in that elementary school.  These families, these children, this community don’t need to be subjected to the debates and hate speech aimed at the opposing sides.  They need to be shown that we are truly joined together in support.  That we are praying for them, meditating, thinking, lighting candles, however you show support and love for those who need it.

Now is not the time for arguments.  Now is the time for help, and for healing.  This community has a long road ahead of them.  Funeral arrangements to be made, decisions about their school, grieving, crying, healing.  Now is the time for the rest of us to quit bickering for just a few days and think about what is really important RIGHT. NOW.  Right now at this very moment.  Right now there are twenty sets of parents grieving for the loss of a child that was supposed to outlive them.  Right now there are seven families grieving for the loss of a parent, spouse, cousin, sibling.  Right now there is a community drowning in sorrow.  Right now there are survivors dealing with emotions that those of us who were not there could never imagine.  Right now there are families who have gifts under their tree that will never be opened.  Right now we, as a country, need to help lift them up and show them that we do care about them.  Right now is the time to help, not argue.  I beg you to please stop the arguing over gun control.  It isn’t helping this community.  It isn’t helping anyone RIGHT NOW at this very moment.  We can debate next week, why don’t we HELP this week?

Here are just a few ways that you can help RIGHT NOW.  If you know of other ways to help, please leave a link in the comments.  My comments are moderated, so once I have verified, they will be published.

Life According to Julie: Helping a Family Who Has Lost Their Beloved Son.






  1. Thank you thank you…

  2. VERY well written. I agree with you completly. Thank you for putting into words what so many of are thinking.

  3. I understand where you’re coming from. I so totally agree with you. I was disgusted by some of the side-reactions that appeared on social media; especially when a nameless coward verablly attacked a fellow blogger’s son, who has Asperger’s syndrome! SO many unnecessary side issues! So much hate! It is so sad that this is the world we are leaving for our children; the ones who make it to adulthood.

  4. Very well said. I had to logoff to avoid all the political agendas being pushed because the boiling hate made me more upset. It’s horrifying and far to close to home. I’m cherishing my family and helping in whatever small ways I can. http://www.frommeredithtomommy.com/2012/12/too-close-too-real-too-horrifying.html?m=1

  5. I really like what you have so eloquently written…it’s the best commentary I have seen regarding this tragedy.

  6. well said… this is my hometown,I live 20 min away with my four children who were in lockdown yesterday…. my heart is breaking for all the families affected by this…

  7. Perfectly written, my friend. Perfect. Love you.

  8. My sentiments exactly. Okay, yours, but you know, sister- truly heart felt. Amen.

  9. so true, it’s a very sad event and it will take a long time to heal from this for anyone, the community, the world, all of us who have children of our own and it could have been ours. I heard about it yesterday, and today it is really sinking in and hitting hard. I wrote a post on my blog today about this and it is the only post I decided to write today. I’m going to take a few days away from the blog to just digest this and love and hug my children as if it were the last day. It’s just wrong to kill children, let alone anyone! The kleenex box has been out today, I’ve been on FB with friends and family about this and I’ve decided that I need to just chill out with quiet time. Time to pray for the families and thank God that I am still alive and I have my children still. It is so true that we all hope that our children outlive us, but we never really fully know what tomorrow holds in the keys that unlock the door to either good or evil.

  10. xo

  11. Incase I haven’t previously told you… I love you.

  12. Well said. Very good reminder. Thank you and God bless.

  13. A high school classmate is the mom of one of the boys who was killed. Thanks for refocusing the discussion on those who we should be remembering

  14. *Hugs* Thank you for being you.

  15. Love. God bless.

  16. Very well said, and I couldn’t agree with you more! <3

  17. Yes!!! Thank you!

  18. Very true this is what needed to be said!! Much love and support!! God bless you!!

  19. Thank you for expressing so clearly what needed to be said. I’m not in the U.S. so I heard about it from social media first. As a mother, I was also more upset about the horrible arguments and political statements being made right after it happened. Why can’t we just pray for the victims and their families, grieve a little, hug our kids a little, and leave the judging aside? I decided I’m not going to get into commenting on the political and conspiracy theory posts and forums. My venting over there, I’ll just be adding to it, maybe if we all boycotted those posts, it could be a way to help?
    Thank you again!

  20. Well said..thank you

  21. This was BEAUTIFULLY written and said exactly what I’ve been feeling.

  22. Well said. Praying for those families.

  23. I’ve stopped reading those posts on facebook, I’ve stopped checking the tweets, I turned off the television. The people making political hay out of a world wide tragedy have alienated me to the point that I feel I must insulate myself from any mainstream media sources for a while. I’ve limited my contact to a few trusted bloggers, and can honestly say that I’m glad. Those few have managed to refresh my trust in my fellow man. They haven’t gone on and on about gun control, or democrat/republican agendas. They haven’t stood 50 feet away from a horrific crime scene interviewing 8 year old children who are still in shock. They haven’t parked their stupid cameras outside of someones home, just waiting for a glimpse of a devastated human being. They haven’t tried to figure out a way to capitalize on someone else’s nightmares. All they did was care. All they did was say “What can I do?”. All they did was ask “How can I help you?” Those children were not our own, yet we all suffer the loss. Those adults were not our own, yet we all suffer the loss. For in reality they were indeed our own. Our fellow man, our fellow human beings, our fellow Americans. It’s time we drew together instead of further apart. RIGHT NOW!

  24. Very well written friend – thanks for sharing again because I missed it yesterday. You are so right, and every time I see the words “gun control” I stop reading – because those words don’t really mean “we need to fix what is wrong” it means, “I am right and the other side is wrong.”

    What *really* needs to be fixed is the mental health system. I am a Virginia Tech Hokie and the shooting on April 16, 2007 affected me indirectly as a part of that community. I didn’t know anyone who was shot, but the professor, Liviu Libresu who used his body to barricade the door while his students escaped out a window is Romanian – as is my husband – and I have a friend who was in one of his classes. Degrees of separation.

    Just as I don’t know anyone in Connecticut, I feel their anguish and their helplessness.

    But all of us in this “club” can attest to the need for changes in the mental health care – or lack there of – in this country. I just finished reading this HuffPo post and my heart breaks for this mom who has a boy headed in the same direction as all the other school shooters. She has no choice but to lock him up – because no one can diagnose or cure his problem.


  25. From one momma to another, during a Precious season where there is supposed to be Peace among man & Peace on Earth, I agree. Our focus should be Love & Compassion~ Thank You

  26. angi mom 2 mikie says:

    As a mom of an autistic son of 20 and besides wanting g to hug him and cry.I couldn’t ofcourse and wanted to shield him as much as possible from this. Then I hear acusations of them blameing the killer of being on the spectrum. Of course the first thing I did was say wtf. I was outraged I posted and bitched and complained. Then Suddenly later I saw more about this subject then about the victims. I posted one last time and told everyone that I would no longer post on this subject even though it hits home! I sugeted that everyone should to. We god willing have the rest of are lives to advocate for this stereotyped acusations so please let these people grieve and don’t make it a soap box for your politics. Tomorrow even though my son can get up with lil help from me to school I’m getting up and havin coffee with him and spend g time before school I’m going to kiss him tell him he is loved and wave to him see ya later never again good bye.

  27. I feel much the same way. There is time for debates and blame and the like, but it is not now. You said “Now is not the time for arguments. Now is the time for help, and for healing” and I agree totally. Thank you for this, it is a tough issue for all of us bloggers to tackle and you handled with grace and compassion.

  28. Please share: Letter to schools (community) from a mom.


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