Would Someone PLEASE Talk to Me?

As a work-from-home (mainly via e-mail) parent, I find myself missing something during the day.

A shower? Not a shower, well sometimes a shower.

A clean toilet? You can’t miss something that you never have.

Empty laundry hampers?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No, I miss conversation. Spoken words exchanged with another human being.

While I do enjoy my own thought-provoking words, mainly because I’m the only one that doesn’t argue with me,  I need me some verbalization during the day with other persons.  Some good old face-to-face, could you stop looking at the giant zit on my chin and look me in the eyes conversation.

One would think that with five kiddos between the ages of three and eleven, words would be a-plenty around here.  I’m here to tell you that you would be WRONG.

Example #1:  Conversation between a mother and her three-year-old son

What did you do today?

<silence followed by a fart and a giggle>

Did you take an Alaskan cruise?

No.

Did you ride a camel across the desert?

No.

Did you walk across the Great Wall of China?

No.

Did you pick pomegranates by the bucket?

No.

How about an African safari?

No.

Did you chase a herd of buffalo?

No. <farts again>

Did you hike over the Alps?

No.

Sunbathe naked on the beaches of Monte Carlo?

No.

Travel by donkey to Machu Piccu?

No.

Buy a herd of alpacas?

No. <fart>

Trek across Siberia?

No.

Poop?

No.

Climb the Eiffel Tower?

No.

Swim the English Channel?

No.

Shear the sheep?

No. <fart>

Visit the South Pole?

No.

Cure cancer?

No.

Well then what exactly did you do all afternoon with your dad?

We cut the mywo (milo) with the cutter-cutter (aka, the combine).  Duh.

Sonofa…..

Moral of the story?  Three-year-olds are not the best of conversationalists but aren’t afraid to express their gas.

Don't Speak to Me

Example #2:  Conversation between a mother and her nine-year-old son.

Good morning!  What should we do today?

Watch football,then play football on the Wii, then go outside and play football, then come in and watch more football. Football, football, FOOTBALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

<sigh>

Example #3:  Conversation between a mother and her eleven-year-old daughter

How was school today?

FINE. <rolls eyes, stomps off, slams bedroom door>

Good talk.

Moral of the story?  Always keep cold wine in the fridge and your conversations with yourself will become more more entertaining.

I guess I will just be here.  Talking to myself.  The best conversationalist that I know.

 

Comments

comments

Comments

  1. I can certainly see where you’re coming from.

    But I gotta admit, after a day in the office then at home with a 15-year old hormonal girl who is an angel one day then well, not an angel the next….and a husband who knows how to tolerate that better than me…SHUT UP AND DON’T SAY A WORD.

    You’re a doll…and I can’t believe not one sheep was sheared and no one sunbathed naked during their day.

    Just what the heck do they do all day?!? =)
    Carrie recently posted…Things got heated up, then Satan spoke, and that’s why there’s a disclaimer.My Profile

  2. “Good talk.” Hahahahahahahaha!!!

    I work from home with my two Littles under my feet and I SO feel your pain. We should definitely start calling one another just to save our sanity. And remind one another to shower.
    WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion recently posted…The Mother of All MeltdownsMy Profile

  3. The success kid meme at the end made me choke. This was hilarious. And I need the laugh. xo
    DG recently posted…Getting Caught with Your (Snow)Pants Down..My Profile

  4. I always feel like it’s a good thing that I am my own best audience, because no one else is listening to me 95% of the time.
    Amy recently posted…Making friends is hard to doMy Profile

    • What was that? Sorry, I wasn’t listening.

      I totally feel your pain Amy. Huh and what are the 2 most common spoken words in my house. No is a close third.

  5. Unfortunately, my three year old doesn’t stop talking. That doesn’t mean that I get real conversation, just a constant hum of random thoughts, stories, whines, “Mommy, can I?” (usually the answer is no, leading to more whining), and more random thoughts with little to no connection to each other. My older boys (6 and 8) have become much better conversationalists as they’ve learned more and gained a better vocabulary, but they do take some prying to get going. They also do much better if it’s just me and them without the distractions of the rest of the world. I love talking to my hubby, but we only get an hour or two together after the kids go to bed, so still not much for real conversation.

  6. I have a general lack of conversation from my sons but my daughter won’t stop talking to me. And every sentence and thought starts with “Mamma?” so I’m constantly being snapped to attention – away from whatever I may be doing. It’s awesome.
    Stephanie recently posted…Figuring Out My WhyMy Profile

  7. Oh those conversations is so, so familiar especially the eye rolling daughter!
    Jay recently posted…A Sunshine AwardMy Profile

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