As a work-from-home (mainly via e-mail) parent, I find myself missing something during the day.
A shower? Not a shower, well sometimes a shower.
A clean toilet? You can’t miss something that you never have.
Empty laundry hampers? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
No, I miss conversation. Spoken words exchanged with another human being.
While I do enjoy my own thought-provoking words, mainly because I’m the only one that doesn’t argue with me, I need me some verbalization during the day with other persons. Some good old face-to-face, could you stop looking at the giant zit on my chin and look me in the eyes conversation.
One would think that with five kiddos between the ages of three and eleven, words would be a-plenty around here. I’m here to tell you that you would be WRONG.
Example #1: Conversation between a mother and her three-year-old son
What did you do today?
<silence followed by a fart and a giggle>
Did you take an Alaskan cruise?
Did you ride a camel across the desert?
Did you walk across the Great Wall of China?
Did you pick pomegranates by the bucket?
How about an African safari?
Did you chase a herd of buffalo?
No. <farts again>
Did you hike over the Alps?
Sunbathe naked on the beaches of Monte Carlo?
Travel by donkey to Machu Piccu?
Buy a herd of alpacas?
Trek across Siberia?
Climb the Eiffel Tower?
Swim the English Channel?
Shear the sheep?
Visit the South Pole?
Well then what exactly did you do all afternoon with your dad?
We cut the mywo (milo) with the cutter-cutter (aka, the combine). Duh.
Moral of the story? Three-year-olds are not the best of conversationalists but aren’t afraid to express their gas.
Example #2: Conversation between a mother and her nine-year-old son.
Good morning! What should we do today?
Watch football,then play football on the Wii, then go outside and play football, then come in and watch more football. Football, football, FOOTBALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!
Example #3: Conversation between a mother and her eleven-year-old daughter
How was school today?
FINE. <rolls eyes, stomps off, slams bedroom door>
Moral of the story? Always keep cold wine in the fridge and your conversations with yourself will become more more entertaining.
I guess I will just be here. Talking to myself. The best conversationalist that I know.